Boys to Responsible Men

Since I was a very young child I always loved to watch the nature shows on television.  Some of my favorites were the Wild Kingdom episodes about the lion prides in Africa.  A pride of lions generally consisted of one dominant male and several females.  The dominant male lion would mate with the females and when the cubs were born he along with all the females would protect all the baby lions.  However, as the cubs mature and the young male cubs begin to grow their mane, which is a sign of becoming mature, they are run off from the pride by the dominant male.  

The young males are then forced to hunt and live on their own until they can get big, strong, and experienced enough to have their own pride and the circle of life starts all over again.  The moment the young male lions are sent away from the pride they were born into, they are forced to grow up and first become a provider for themselves as they have to hunt for their own food.  However, simultaneously, as they are learning to survive on their own they are also picking of critical skills they would need if they are fortunate to have their own pride.

Oddly enough, what occurs in nature by God given instinct with the male lions is actually more or less what should be occurring with the male offspring in our families.  Some years ago this was the case; once a male child reached what is considered the legal age of eighteen it was a widely accepted rule that he would make plans to leave home and go out on his own.  If the young man didn’t have plans to leave on their own, generally the fathers would set a timeframe for when the son had to get a job and go out on his own.  Even if they were going to college and still were partly depended on their parents while in school; remaining home was not an acceptable long term option.  

Unfortunately, today this is no longer the case as there are many young men who remain home well into their late twenties and sometimes their thirties and sadly forties.  Once many young men do eventually leave home today they go from being under their mother’s roof directly to being under the roof with their wife or significant other.

We are completely destroying the God defined family.  We push our daughters out the instant they become of legal age forcing them to take on characteristics God intended for Adam in order for them to survive.  We then allow our sons to remain home indefinitely hindering them from learning and taking on the characteristics God intended for all male offspring to posses.  We have to stop babying in our sons!  

Moms, you are not helping your sons by allowing them to remain under your roof for an indefinite amount of time with no long or short term plans for becoming independent.  Dads our sons needs us to be dads whether we live under the same roof with them or not.  Men, if our sons live in the same home with us it is our OBLIGATION to prepare them for being independent and responsible for themselves sooner rather than later. Again, this does not mean not supporting them while they are pursuing higher education, but even that needs to have a time limit.  Single moms you know better than most, especially women of color, how difficult it is to find a mate who is responsible.  The reasons why so many men today do not want to live up to their responsibility is because dads were off the scene and mommas didn’t know how to cut the preverbal umbilical cord. 

Psalms 127:3-4 (NKJV)  

 3: Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the wombis a reward.

 4: Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.

The scripture above says our children are live arrows in the hand of a warrior.  An arrow in the hand of someone who doesn’t know how to use is it is nothing more than a stick with a pointed on the end.  However, in the hands of a warrior it becomes a tool with a purpose.  Instead of shooting our children, especially our sons, into destiny and purpose we are allowing them to sit in our quiver only going were we bring them on our backs!  

We have to get our sons off our backs and into the world so they can begin to learn to be responsible and gain the experiences needed to take care of themselves and hopefully and a wife and children.  Moms, you are not being a bad parent if you push your adult male child out of the house and force them to get their act together. There nothing wrong with even giving our sons a little help after they are out of the house but it has to be on a decreasing scale or the occasional exception. 

 I’m putting more emphasis on the moms because unfortunately on an increasing manner moms are the ones left with raising the kids. Furthermore, dads were made by God to not have the emotional and coddling character traits moms have and thus it is generally easier for dads to do the tough love thing without back-paddling.  

The bottom line is we have to stop literally harming our male offspring by not helping them be the men God made them to be.  Some of us are afraid of dying not because we fear death but because we fearful of what will happen to our adult children.  We have been taking care of them well into their adult lives and many are so co-dependent on us they are no earth good to any woman or any child they are responsible for producing.

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